The Deafening Silence
by A and W
Summary: After a tragic turn of events leaves Merlin in the position of acting Court Physician, an unexplained illness begins to plague Camelot. Now it is up to Merlin to discover a cure for the deadly disease while also dealing with his own personal grief. (Plenty of bromance, no slash!)
1. Fading

**A/N: Hello people of the world :D This account was created for one purpose only: to serve as a place where we (yes, there are two of us) can post the stories that we co-author together. These stories will be separate from those on our individual accounts. We hope you enjoy reading this first chapter as much as we enjoyed writing it!**

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"You've hardly touched your supper, Merlin," Gaius chastised, his voice soft and weary.

Merlin looked up from the stew he had been pushing around with his spoon to meet his mentor's gaze.

"I've eaten more than you have," the warlock pointed out, inclining his head towards the physician's bowl, which appeared to be untouched.

Gaius was quick to justify his lack of eating, however. "I had a wholesome lunch earlier," he supplied.

But Merlin knew better than to believe his excuse. He had been watching Gaius carefully for the past few weeks and had noticed the subtle changes in his appearance and demeanor. It was as though the man was slowly deteriorating before Merlin's eyes. The more Merlin studied Gaius as he, too, pushed around his stew, he realized just how tired the man seemed. His robes hung loose on his shrinking body, his gaunt face shrouded by his gray hair.

Merlin was worried. But he simply nodded in agreement and they both continued in silence, neither having the desire, nor need, to speak.

Several minutes passed. Merlin forced himself to swallow a couple mouthfuls of food. He hardly tasted it, though. His mind was elsewhere, his thoughts far away from supper.

Eventually, Merlin found that he could no longer stand to sit still. He pushed himself up off the bench and moved over to the fireplace to stoke the flames.

Gaius followed Merlin's movements, watching his ward in silence for a minute or so before finally speaking.

"Did you have any plans for the evening, Merlin?" he asked at last.

Merlin turned to look at the physician. "No. I think I'm just going to go to bed."

Gaius simply bowed his head in response. Merlin had to suppress a sigh.

"You should probably get an early night, too," Merlin reasoned. "You seem tired today."

"No more tired than I normally am," Gaius argued. "There's still work to be done."

"Then let me help you," Merlin responded.

Gaius turned his weary eyes to his ward once more. "That won't be necessary, my boy. Besides, Arthur's been working you hard lately. You need your rest."

Merlin was prepared to argue the matter further, but decided against it. Gaius may not be in the best of health, but that didn't mean he wasn't as stubborn as he always was. So, with much reluctance, Merlin straightened himself up from the hearth before retreating to his room, his thoughts keeping him from the graces of sleep.

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A few days passed, although Merlin couldn't be sure of exactly how many. Lately, the days seemed to blur together, and Merlin made no attempt to separate them. It just didn't seem to matter.

Merlin sighed as he made his way down the corridor, the royals' breakfast in hand. His thoughts continued to center around Gaius no matter what he did. When he had left the physician that morning, the man had been hunched over, grinding herbs at the table. He had looked even more defeated than the day before, if that was even possible. But no matter how badly Merlin did not want to leave him, he knew Gaius would force him to go either way.

As Merlin neared Arthur's chambers, he slowed just enough to clear his thoughts and smooth his features into a practiced smile. He didn't bother to knock as he swung open the door and placed the King and Queen's breakfast on the table.

Merlin blinked at the brightness of the room. Somebody must have already thrown the curtains open, then. Turning his gaze in that direction, Merlin was met with the sight of the King and Queen, already up, already dressed. Arthur was sitting in the chair behind his desk, while Gwen leaned up against one of the bedposts.

Gwen let out a laugh at something Arthur must have just said before Merlin had entered the room. The sound made Merlin wince involuntarily, and he stood silent and unmoving in the middle of the room, trying to gather his thoughts together.

"Merlin!" Gwen exclaimed a moment later, having glanced over to discover the manservant standing there. "I didn't hear you come in."

Merlin opened his mouth, prepared to deliver an excuse, but the King and his incessant remarks beat him to it.

"Yes, _Mer_lin. You really ought to knock louder the next time," he jeered.

The manservant turned away and began picking up a few of Arthur's discarded shirts around the room. "I'll remember that next time, Sire," he complied.

Arthur frowned. He was expecting more of a quip from Merlin. It was their usual routine, after all. But, truth was, Arthur had noticed a change in his manservant. And now, as he stood before him moving about his chambers, he recognized the same somber air that he seemed to carry with him day after day. And the King knew the reason for it all too well.

Gwen, sensing the growing tension, decided it was time to take her leave. "Well, I should get going. I have some matters to attend to in the lower town." She gave Arthur a quick peck on the cheek and Merlin a friendly smile before opening the door and gliding into the corridor.

Arthur continued to watch Merlin as the young man now worked on straightening up the bed. He kept his head low, as if trying to hide his tired eyes. He looked defeated.

"How is he?" the King asked, his voice quiet.

Merlin paused in his work, one of the King's pillows clutched in his hands. He made no attempt to answer the question, however. He was worried that his voice may betray him if he did.

"Merlin?" Arthur inquired, as Merlin moved to place the pillow back on the bed.

The manservant refused to turn around and meet Arthur's gaze. Instead, he straightened himself up and quickly swiped a hand across his eyes, trying his best to eliminate the wetness that had suddenly appeared there.

"He's fine," Merlin finally managed to get out when he heard Arthur stand up from his place behind the desk.

Arthur knew it was a lie. He had seen Gaius' condition for himself, and there was no doubt that the man was unwell, practically withering away to nothing. He did not need to be a physician to be able to make that determination. But he decided not to point this out to Merlin. Instead, he let out a sigh before asking his next question.

"And you?"

"Me?" Merlin asked, trying to sound casual as he worked to smooth out the wrinkles on the bed.

"Yes, Merlin. How are _you_ doing?" Arthur was now standing at the end of the bed, watching Merlin carefully as he worked.

"What do you mean?" he questioned.

"I _mean_, are you...ok?" Arthur replied, feeling slightly awkward at the idea of asking after his manservant's wellbeing.

"I'm not sick, Arthur," Merlin replied firmly. But Arthur could detect a slight quiver in his voice. Merlin was anything _but_ ok.

The King ran a hand through his hair and let out another sigh. "I saw Gaius yesterday-," Arthur began.

But he was stopped short when Merlin interrupted him. "I need to get started on your laundry, Sire." Merlin turned to pick up the basket that was now overflowing with Arthur's clothes.

Arthur opened his mouth to respond, but quickly decided against it when he caught sight of Merlin's face. His eyes were red, his face twisted as if he was losing an on-going battle within himself.

And so, not sure what else he could do, Arthur just watched as his manservant strode over to his door, wrenched it open, and disappeared into the corridor.

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**A/N: Feel free to leave us a review, they will always be welcome! **

**See ya at Chapter 2! -A and W **


	2. Facing Reality

**A/N: Warning: This story is about to get really depressing, really fast. That'll be all :)**

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Arthur threw his quill down in frustration. He hadn't been able to get any work done this past week. Not since Merlin had bolted out of his chambers at the mere mention of the physician. Since then, Merlin had hardly spoken to Arthur at all. He seemed to have withdrawn completely inside himself, and Arthur was at a loss as to what to do.

But he knew that there was not much he _could_ do. He hadn't seen Gaius in days, as he finally stopped attending Council meetings. Servants and nobles alike walked the castle corridors with solemn expressions as the days wore on. Their beloved physician was dying, and he did not have much time left.

The King ran a hand over his face. He knew that he could no longer put off what he had been dreading now for weeks. He needed to go talk to Gaius.

The very thought of it made Arthur uncomfortable. He slowly stood up from his desk and turned to gaze out the window. The people below lazily milled about the courtyard; some led horses while others carried baskets. Arthur couldn't help but envy them at the moment. He could feel the immense weight on his shoulders almost crushing him. And the worst of it was that the one person, besides Gwen, that he normally would have talked to about it was currently not speaking to Arthur, and in fairly bad shape himself.

Arthur thought long and hard about what he would say to the dying man. There was no delicate way around the pressing matter, but that didn't stop Arthur from trying to find one. Arthur tore his gaze away from the window. This was no simple task. But as Arthur made his way towards his door and slipped out into the corridor, he realized it just needed to be done.

He nodded and forced a small smile as he passed his servants and Knights. Before long, he found himself outside of the physician's chambers. Arthur had hoped that Merlin, for once, had listened to him and gone to polish his armor. He wouldn't put it past Merlin to skip out on his duties to look after Gaius, especially now.

The King raised his fist and quickly knocked on the door before grasping the latch and entering.

The room looked as it always did. Vials, books and stray papers were strewn across virtually every surface. It was easy to pretend as if this were just any other normal day. Nothing was out of place, yet everything was. Gaius was not up and about as usual. He was not standing above his mortar and pestle, grinding herbs. He was not hunched over at the table, engrossed in one of his many books of medicine.

Instead, he was scrunched up on his small, modest bed in the corner of the room. The pitiful sight wrenched at Arthur's heart and the greeting that he had been about to utter got caught in his throat. And then he was simply standing in the middle of the chambers, wondering how he should proceed.

Then, the silence was broken by a weak voice. "I was wondering when you would come, Sire."

Startled, Arthur looked over towards the corner only to meet Gaius' exhausted gaze. The physician let out a soft groan as he shifted slightly on the mattress. He managed to lift his hand a few inches off the bed and motioned for the King to take the seat at his bedside.

Arthur took in a deep breath and slowly made his way over to the physician. He sank down onto the stool and reached out to clasp Gaius' hand as it wavered in the air.

"How are you feeling?" Arthur said, finally finding his voice.

"I've had better days." Gaius gave him a sad, knowing smile.

Arthur just bowed his head and sighed, not really sure how to respond. Gaius gave his hand a light squeeze.

"We have much to discuss, Arthur," he breathed.

Arthur met Gaius' eyes once more before finally speaking his worst fears. "Will you recover from this illness?"

There was a short pause before the physician responded. "I am an old man, Sire. There's no cure for that."

"So you don't think-?"

"No, Arthur. I do not think I will recover."

The King was silent as he allowed this news to sink in.

"Now that that's been addressed," Gaius continued, "there are some other matters I wish to speak with you about."

His words hung in the air for a moment before Arthur answered in as strong a voice he could manage. "Of course."

"Good," Gaius said as he gestured towards the table. "Pass me the quill and parchment."

Arthur stood up and quickly walked over to the table. He searched through the various contents before finally producing what the physician asked. When he turned back towards Gaius, he noticed that the man was doing his best to pull himself into a sitting position. He immediately hurried over to assist him, dropping the supplies on the stool before doing so. After Gaius was settled, Arthur handed him the piece of parchment and freshly inked quill.

The King watched as the physician began scratching some words onto the parchment in his familiar scrawl. Arthur forced himself to wait patiently, resisting the urge to ask him what he was writing.

Eventually, Gaius looked up. "There's another physician, Sire. He's highly qualified. You may have to do some searching, but last I heard of him he was residing in a village named Fireth." Gaius paused as he handed over the note. "You may need to call upon him shortly, as I fear I do not have much longer."

"What?" A new voice rang out through the chambers.

Both Gaius and Arthur looked over to see Merlin standing in the doorway. Arthur noted the odd expression that was on the young man's face and how he was now looking at Gaius in what could only be called a state of confusion.

The room fell silent again for what felt like several minutes but in actuality couldn't have been more than a few seconds. Then Merlin spoke again, the rising panic in his voice easily apparent.

"Gaius, what are you talking about?" His question was once again met with silence. "Gaius? What-? What's going on?" His voice grew in strength as his pleas went unanswered.

"Merlin, we've both known for some time now-" the physician began, but Merlin soon interrupted.

"No. We can fix this, Gaius. I will make you better."

Gaius sighed and leaned his head back against the pillows, closing his eyes in exhaustion. "Merlin-," he whispered.

Merlin moved closer to the bed. "Please Gaius," he begged, "don't give up."

Arthur watched the exchange before him, trying to determine if he should intervene. He looked from Merlin, who was drawing closer to the bed, to Gaius, who looked as though the last of his strength had just drained from his body, and quickly decided that he needed to step in.

He took a few steps forward to meet Merlin and placed a hand on the young man's shoulder. "Merlin, now is not the time for this," he said quietly, in as firm a voice as he could manage.

Merlin drew away from his touch. "But I can help him. I just need more time." Merlin's voice was flooded with emotion. But then Merlin quieted as a new thought dawned on him.

"You're giving up on him, aren't you?" he accused Arthur.

"That's enough, Merlin," Arthur responded, reaching for Merlin's shoulder once more.

Merlin took a step back. "You are. You're giving up. You don't even care-"

Arthur lunged forward and grabbed Merlin's arm. "We are _not _going to do this here," he said forcefully.

The King shot Gaius an apologetic look. The physician gave a quick nod to Arthur in return, his sad eyes full of understanding, before the King began to steer Merlin out of the room.

Merlin only struggled for a second or two before realizing that it would be completely pointless to fight against Arthur. And so with one last glance back at Gaius, Merlin finally allowed himself to be guided from the room.

Arthur waited until they were several corridors away before finally releasing Merlin. "Follow me," he instructed, almost daring Merlin to do otherwise.

Arthur then weaved through the castle corridors with practiced ease, Merlin on his tail, until they arrived at the King's chambers.

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please let us know what you think :D**

**See ya at Chapter 3! -A and W**


	3. Frustration

**A/N: Hey guys! Not sure when we will be able to update next, as 'A' is moving back to college Sunday and 'W' is going back to high school Monday. We still haven't worked out the details on exactly how we're going to write this fic while we're 50 miles away from each other (I think plenty of phone calls and emails are in our future). But have no fear! It'll all work out! :D Enjoy chapter 3!**

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Arthur swept into the room and moved towards the table. A quick glance over his shoulder told him that Merlin had stopped just inside the door. He looked more distraught than Arthur had ever seen him before. His brow was furrowed as he began fidgeting and pacing, reaching a hand up to his head as he did so. Merlin looked rattled. _Yes, _Arthur thought,_ it had been a good idea to take Merlin away from Gaius for a little while._

"Close the door, Merlin," Arthur ordered.

Merlin shot him a glare before striding over and slamming it shut. He set back to pacing again while Arthur just watched on. Finally, Merlin broke the silence.

"You wanted to speak with me, _Sire_?" His voice was laced with bitterness, a tone that Arthur had rarely heard Merlin use, let alone direct towards_ him_.

Arthur frowned but did not reply right away. He turned back to the table where a pitcher of water was sitting on its surface. There were two large cups there as well, no doubt meant for the King and Queen. Arthur filled both cups to the brim and then pushed one towards the edge of the table, for Merlin, before taking a swallow from his own.

Merlin paused in his pacing but made no move towards the table. "Why did you bring me here?" he finally demanded, when Arthur failed to speak.

Arthur placed his cup back on the table. "You need to calm down, Merlin," he answered at last.

Merlin's eyes flashed with anger. "I need to be with _Gaius _right now," he responded.

"He saw how distressed you were. It was upsetting him."

Merlin resumed his pacing. He could try to make a run for it, he thought, but he knew it would be useless. He doubted that he'd be able to outrun Arthur _and _the guards.

"I have to take care of him," Merlin said forcefully. "He _needs _me to be there for him."

"Yes, he does," Arthur agreed. "But not when you're like this. You're not thinking clearly."

"I'm fine!" Merlin nearly shouted. "I have to take care of him. I can...I can make him better."

"You're expecting too much of yourself!" Arthur answered. "You can't do everything, Merlin!" His voice was increasing in volume as he tried to get through to Merlin.

"But I _have_ to do everything." Merlin's voice was just above a whisper now. But Arthur caught every word.

The King stared at Merlin, seriousness replacing his growing belligerence. His manservant spoke with such shocking conviction in his voice; he truly believed that he was responsible for curing Gaius.

"Merlin-" Arthur began, but he was immediately interrupted.

"If _I_ don't do something...If _I _can't figure out how to cure him, then..." Merlin trailed off as he began to tremble.

Arthur immediately moved forward. "You need to sit down, Merlin," he said carefully, trying not to upset Merlin even more.

"I'm done sitting around! I've got to do something. I have to go-," Merlin abruptly cut himself off and began moving towards the door.

"Merlin, you aren't leaving until you get a hold of yourself," Arthur stated, taking a few steps towards him. Merlin met Arthur's eyes, as if weighing the odds. He really didn't like his chances.

Merlin wanted to be angry. He could deal with anger. Anger would keep him going; keep him distracted from the other emotions that had built up inside of him and that he was currently trying to ignore.

But he couldn't. Because all of his energy was gone. Used up. And he found that he was exhausted.

Arthur noticed how Merlin's eyes started to well up, how his shoulders slumped in the slightest. He lightly put a hand on one of Merlin's arms and began to draw him towards the table.

"Here, sit down." He gestured at one of the chairs and sighed in relief as Merlin finally did as he was told.

Arthur sank down into the chair next to Merlin and pushed the cup of water closer to him. But Merlin refused to drink. He rested his elbows on the edge of the table and allowed his face to fall into his hands.

For weeks now Merlin had felt as though he had been walking through a nightmare that he couldn't wake up from. He had tried everything he could think of to save Gaius. But no amount of medication, no amount of _magic, _seemed to make any difference. In all his life, Merlin had never felt so powerless. Or so _useless._

The seconds of silence dragged out into minutes. Arthur had no idea what to say to Merlin. Nothing that came to mind seemed to sound right in his head. He doubted that anything he had to say would offer very much comfort to Merlin, anyway. Or to himself. Because the thought of losing Gaius was breaking Arthur's heart. Tearing his insides apart.

He could scarcely imagine what Merlin must be feeling. When Uther had become ill, Arthur didn't know which way to turn. While he was devastated over losing his father, he had had to bear the weight of the kingdom by himself. He had had to live up to his people's expectations when he felt lost in his own power. Arthur was forced to move on; Camelot was not going to wait for him. And as hard as it had been, dealing with all of the responsibilities and expectations that had suddenly been thrust onto his shoulders, it had, oddly enough, been what kept him sane. Kept him distracted from his emotions on those days that seemed to be just a little harder to get through. He would need to find some distractions for Merlin, he decided.

The King glanced over at his manservant, who was still trembling in his chair.

Arthur knew that the relationship Merlin and Gaius shared was much deeper than the one he had had with Uther. Gaius was the father Merlin never had. There was a strong bond between them, something that Arthur wished he had shared with his own father.

So as the King watched his manservant struggle for control over his emotions, he could only begin to understand what he was going through.

Finally, after several long minutes, Merlin let out a deep sigh. He leaned back in his chair and stared up at the ceiling.

"He's going to be okay," he said at last. And it sounded to Arthur as though he were trying to convince himself of those words more than anything.

The King just placed a hand on Merlin's shoulder, and finally, _finally, _Merlin looked at him.

Arthur searched for something to say. He knew that the chances of Gaius pulling through this illness were...nearly nonexistent. But he couldn't tell Merlin that. Not when there was so much hope in his eyes.

But he also couldn't bring himself to agree with Merlin's words. It would probably only make everything worse if..._when_...things didn't turn out.

"He _will _be okay," Merlin insisted, seeing the doubt on Arthur's face. Arthur _always _doubted him. It didn't matter how many times Merlin turned out to be right in the end. The King never seemed to believe him.

_"I'll just have to _make _him believe me,_" Merlin thought to himself, suddenly standing up.

"Where are you going?" Arthur asked.

"I need to give Gaius his medicine, now. And make sure he gets something to eat."

Arthur considered him for a moment. Merlin appeared to have somewhat of a grip on his emotions, but the King knew that it would only be a matter of time before they caught up to him once more.

But, as there was not much more Arthur could do for him now, he simply nodded and watched as his manservant walked the short distance to the door, opened it, and disappeared into the corridor.

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**A/N: It kills us to write a depressed, angry Merlin! But, it has to be done. Please leave us a review (it makes us really happy!) Thanks to everybody for following/favoriting/reviewing our story! We really appreciate your support! :D**

**See ya at Chapter 4! -A and W **


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